11.1.15 Still allowing others.....

....to control my emotions. But i can't help it sometimes. People are devious and i should see it, but i get blind sighted and react to quick. You would think that the person that is supposed to be the closest (physically) to me wouldn't be such a *unt. Why do people treat others so poorly? If i'm jealous of someone i acknowledge it and move on. Is it jealously that you feel towards me and if so why? i have nothing. What could they possibly be jealous of? Why do you have to hurt me so much. i've never done anything to you, ever.

Just don't get it. From here on out i'm only concentrating on the 4 main people in my life. Everyone else can knock on my shell or knock on the bricks. i've had it.

10.31.15 People Suck

Happy Halloween.

People suck. Can't blog.

10.30.15 Pizza

It's my favorite! It's warm and comforting and delicious!!!!! Lol! i'd like to have some and have been given permission to do so this weekend!!! YAY! i asked, but now i'm thinking, um no.

Starting tomorrow i have one week until Master and i have our evening together. i REALLY want to look good. He's even purchased several things for me to wear. i wonder what outfit He will want to see me in first. i'm excited because i love to please Him. As long as He is happy, i am. i always feel i don't do enough for Him. i always want to do more. He does tell me He is happy with me and that i do make Him happy. Hearing that, as well as hearing that He owns ALL of me, makes me very happy.

It's Friday. Hate Friday. But the weekend will go quick. I'll be busy. Which is good. i look forward to Master Monday :)! ..... although Master Monday might scare me a little this week. Because we get some time together next weekend He is having me edge everyday until then. i get one last chance to cum tonight and starting tomorrow i have to edge once, Sunday twice, and so on. Friday i have to wear my plug all day for punishment (which will be killer because i'll be SO on edge AND i'll be with my mother - double ugh!!!). So Monday, i'm hoping for no play because i'd rather not be tortured further. i have no doubt i'll beg not to be. i'm sure Master knows that as well. He knows how i roll.

10.29.15 Do i remind Him

So i am being punished for something i did last night, and Master has not mentioned anything about my punishment all day. i wonder if He's forgotten. Do i remind Him? To be honest, i usually do. i hate being punished. Hate it. i know He wasn't disappointed in me this time but because i thought i'd get punished BEFORE i did something, i'm being punished. i totally get it. And i know i deserve it. i know i will remind Him too.

He's been gone a lot today. i miss Him. But He did cheer me up by making sure i remembered that He is always thinking of me.......

10.28.15 Upcoming date

Master and i have a date scheduled for next weekend. i'm really excited but very nervous too. i'm nervous because i am very self conscious and shy (yes, i'm shy. but just the physical shy. like showing my body shy). i want to look good for Him and i never think i do. i want to be flawless. i know that no one person is completely flawless, but that's how i want to be..for Him. i'm scared He will see my flaws and remember them and be turned off.

i have been on a diet and working out mostly every day and i know i have lost inches and some weight. i have to be more determined. i get so blah sometimes, and lazy. i need that push.

i'm excited for what Master has planned. Doesn't even matter what it is, just excited for it. We could just play Bingo and i'd be happy. Just being in His presence keeps me settled. Makes me feel safe and at home.

my dom friend is coming over tonight for a visit. Looking forward to it. It will be fun to talk and be able to talk about Fet and the lifestyle, etc. i don't get to talk about it with anyone in my real life but him really. Its refreshing.

10.27.15 Ho Hum and Disturbing

Ho Hum, why was i beyond exhausted today and the second i get out of work i wake up a little? i seriously did not want to work out today but i was told i had to. In all honesty, i'm always glad i do because i feel good afterward. Thank You Master for knowing whats best for Your sub. i feel good. Still tired, but good. i hate to mention it and then jinx it, but i'm feeling pretty okay (don't want to say anything better just in case). i do have terrible anxiety and some depression issues, i wonder what we could come up with to get me out of the sad times quicker? Perhaps what happened Friday will be key? This last one was just waaaay to long. i'd insert a "poo" emonji here if i could - holler to my bff.

So i finally had some time to get through some of the Fet feeds i follow and came across something very sad and quite disturbing. A sub had mentioned something about "will she ever learn". i read it and was taken aback by what she wrote. her Dom had punished her and then she was to be punished again for another issue and she still had open wounds and was not allowed to use her safe word. To me, that's abuse. To everyone else that commented, that was abuse too. My Dom friend was quite worried for her. i hope he doesn't take it upon himself to get involved. He is a very caring person and i'd hate for him to put himself in some really bad situation. my bff thinks that the two of them are just learning and neither one of them know better. i sincerely hope that's the case and she doesn't get "hurt" again. There are some real fakes out there. i've talked to many. Master is the real deal! i'm very grateful for that. Most of them think that if they control you sexually they have mastered "domination". Yea, ok.....................

10.26.15 Update on friend

my friend has released the sub he had acquired over the weekend. Everything was went about the wrong way. i'm very glad he did, because i don't think she was the right fit for him anyway. He wants experience. i'm sure he will figure something out. He did learn a very important lesson though, and that's the great part. i know next time he will go about things with more knowledge. It was an experience well learned from. i hope he knows that.

i have a new name for Mondays. MASTER MONDAY. i have been released from my prior commitment on Mondays so now i am all His to do whatever He wants with me all day. Do you have any idea how thrilled i am by this????? BEYOND! i know that this will help my feelings of loneliness. i look forward to it.

i'm also feeling much better this week. i think the play on Friday really kicked me out of it. Actually, i'd like to say that i know it did. Still sore by the way.....

10.25.15 Exhausted

my body is hurting from Master on Friday. Like really hurting. So bad that my butt cramped while i was sitting. i had to get up and stretch. i enjoy the pain though. Welcome it. It's a great reminder that He is with me. Miss Him. i look forward to getting back to our normal.

It was a long and exhausting weekend. i'm totally shot and need to just go and rest.

10.24.15 Feelings

Big day for my immediate family. First day of a great and wonderful and emotional sport season. Go team!

A few months ago now i met a someone, with Masters approval, and we became friends. After time i told him what i was and that i was owned. He did not know much about the lifestyle but did some reading about it and told me that he feels he finally found himself. He's recently joined Fet and is spreading his wings and i'm happy for him. He told me that he will be forever grateful to me for bringing him back to what he really is and what will make him happy. The joy that i helped someone accomplish that really feels good.

Tonight he acquired a sub. i'm very happy for him, but i am also very concerned. Because he is a dear friend i worry, as a new Dom, will he won't find someone that is truly honest with him. Because i care for him i worry about that. If this sub is the one, i hope he will grow as he really wants to, and as i have with Master. i wish him all the luck!

i also did not get to talk to Master on Friday afternoon before the weekend. How did it make me feel? Upset. But i get it. He had a family  matter to deal with. Nothing that could be done. And it's ok, but i still do feel sad about it. i miss Him. Luckily this weekend is very busy for me to keep my mind off of not seeing Him. i look forward to Monday as always. i do love a Monday oxoxo.

i also saw some people from my past today that did bring back a flush of memories. Was hard, but good. Happy memories and sad that really not many more will be created with them.

It's late. Had a rough night last night. Almost forgot to blog! Can you imagine that punishment?! Yikes! No thanks :)

10.23.15 Different things

i never came before like i did today. It was the most intense thing i've ever done. Master and that fricken' wand ;). He brings me to such places!

i'm feeling better today. i want to only go forward from here. i want to keep being okay. i want to keep remembering where i belong and whom i belong to. i want to stay where my place is and is always will be. i like it here. i'm home, safe, protected and cared for. it's all i need and all i want. Master is working on the physical part and all will be perfect.

(A little random.....still dropping a tad i think)

Knowing where my head needs to stay, i must back off from some of the mess that surrounds me. There are certain people in my life that i need to back away from. i will still be pleasant towards them, but not be so involved. Master agrees. He knows what is best for me. Always has, always will.

(All i want to do is crawl up into bed right now. After such an intense session i really wish i could.)

Funny thing. i've been wearing my glasses all day today. i normally don't wear them and get by. i tried removing them to go on with my day but everything is fuzzy. That's how i would feel without Master.

:)

10.22.15 Catch up and going into a new level

i've been given permission not to blog for the last few days because my mind hasn't been where it's supposed to be. It has been everywhere. Unfortunately my vanilla life has upset me so much that it has put my relationship with Master on the back burner - kinda (just not where it really should be).

The news that i had found out over the weekend really threw me, on top of feeling down and lost the weeks prior. To be honest, i am still dealing with my emotions and Master is working on helping me as well. He is considering having someone else give me the pain that i've asked for. Master has given me pain before, but the amount of pain i need now i can't administer myself.

i am nervous about this because it won't be Master himself administering the pain. i don't really want anyone else to touch me other than Him, but there doesn't seem to be any other option. i am also scared that it would change my relationship with Master and He said it wouldn't. i can't loose Him and would be lost without Him. Dead. i'm also worried about the person who will administer the pain going into "top" or "dom" space. Will i be safe? Will the person be able to handle themselves? Will they be able to stop? And what about dropping and aftercare?

i do know that Master will take care of everything, but all of those things have crossed my mind. i do also know that i will be safe and cared for no matter what He decides. i trust and know and believe He will do and decide what is best for me. He does know all of me, i am all of His.

i am slowly coming around again and beginning to feel like myself. Happy and normal again. And i know all will be good because i am taken care of. i know i've been a real PITA for Master these last couple of weeks and i truly feel so guilty for it. i feel bad. It's just my thought process and how i over think everything. Again, i need to remember that i should just hand off my issues to Master for Him to decide. i need a good spanking for forgetting that! i'm so stupid!

10.19.15 Quite a day

my emotions have been all over today. From excitement to disappointment to love to anger to sad to tired. Everything. All over. i'm exhausted.

i knew going into the day that Master was going to allow me to cum today. i expected to be allowed to go to my dark place, but Master didn't allow that today. i did beg to cum soon, because of all of the edging that i did, but again, i did think i'd go dark. i was disappointed not to see that place today. i've missed it.

Master and i did discuss what happened later on in the afternoon. A few things came out that haven't been discussed. Everything was laid out on the table, which needed to be done. Conversation wise it was a good day. Physically, i squirted a little. It's been a long time since that happened. i am really looking forward to our up and coming "date". i may then as well. Master is going to have me edge for the week again.

Very emotional day. Honestly, i don't have the strength in me to blog anymore tonight....tomorrow.

10.18.15 Numb

i'm numb from the emotion this weekend.

i am more than looking forward to tomorrow to get back to my normal with Master.

10.17.15 People suck

Last night i had to find out something that will affect my life greatly from someone who shouldn't have been the one to tell me.

Why does the world not just be open and honest with one another? Why does everything have to be so difficult and painful? Why can't the world just have a M/s relationship?

i know that i will get through this new issue because i am taken care of. Master will be with me every step of the way. i am comforted by that. Greatly. He will tell me what to do and what to feel and i will do just that.

10.16.15 ON EDGE

i seriously want to scream right now. i am so irritated, annoyed and on edge! my temper has flared when normally it wouldn't. Is it due to Master literally keeping me on edge all week? Including tonight, i have 3 more days to go! Perhaps i should go for a run to get rid of all of this tension? i want to ask Him if i can skip working out today. i don't know what to do. i can't even make a dam decision. And all the decisions i did make are bad ones and now i'm also going to be punished!!!! i need to release so bad!

......such a bad day......help

10.15.15 Fet

Last night i received a new message in my inbox on Fet from a 25 year old dom who happens to be pretty local. He asked if i was monogamous. i replied that i was owned and that Master does not share me. His reply was telling me that i would be interested in having 2 doms and who would ever know.

i have a few things to say about this.

i found it amazing that this "dom" knew exactly what i would be interested in. i emailed Master as soon as i read it.

One of the things that i really know about Master is that He doesn't get mad often. Really rarely. He's very much a thinker. But this boy pissed Him off.

This child was very disrespectful. To my knowledge and in my experience, Fet has always been respectful and supportive. This was quite the opposite.

my BFF told me the boy had only been on Fet for 6 hours, after i shared the info with her. i hope he's learned his lesson after dealing with everything Master said to him. Whoa! i was so pleased and proud of being protected and cared for. He's so amazing.

Another Fet thing happened today. There is a man that i am friends with and that i have shared my secret with. i've mentioned him before, but won't go into that now. He has been doing some reading on the lifestyle when i told him what i was, and is very interested in learning. i think its fantastic. He says that he believes he know what he is and wants to make sure he is good at it and wanted to join the site. He did today.

my initial reaction was to attack. i was scared. No one in my vanilla life, with the exception of one other who knows nothing about Fet, knows about me. So here i am letting him into what i keep a secret - a local person! Yikes.

i let Master know and we talked about it. Master thinks it will be good and that perhaps i can use him for support when needed. Master wants me to have friends in the lifestyle that live close. Who else is out there? :)

my friend did say that he will not look me up on Fet though. i think it's good that he is there though. With the exception of the above, it's a good place to learn.

10.14.15 Prepping for Monday

Master knows that i need something physical. He's prepping me to play on Monday. i'm to edge all week long, adding one more time each day.

i'm already insanely horny. i can only imagine what the end of the week will bring. i might just jump at anything - yikes!

Last nights edging was awesome! The only thing that always brings me to cumming is saying His name.

Only thing on my mind is getting fucked right now..........................................

10.13.15 Desensitizing?

For starters, (why do i always list things?), final word on the dating saga....NO. (Wait, maybe it's because i am a very organized person?)

How do i feel about it? Meh. Good, but worried. i'm worried because at the times when i do get real lonely, like now, what will i do? i crave to be touched. i sometimes get "frenzied" about it.

i looked up online today how to be physical without being touched. Had some good ideas on only one article i saw.

http://www.getrelationshipsright.com/need_touch/

One section mentioning touching yourself. i took that as an opportunity to explain to Master that i should cum more ;)! He actually agreed, which is fantastic for me. After He said that i thought about it and think perhaps that might help????? Seriously. i mean think about it. If i am pleasing myself and doing what gives me joy and eases me, wouldn't that help? Am i just blowing smoke up my ass? i don't know.

Anyway, ironically i saw an article on Fet today. i forget exactly what the title was, but it spoke about how can one have sex with out the other emotions being involved. Not surprising was how some can and some can't, but i messaged the starter of the conversation to see how she is handling the situation. i would like to desensitize myself. Can one? i want to know if she got anything out of the posts. i hope she gets back to me.

i think if i were able to desensitize myself this dating thing wouldn't have been such an issue. i want my brain, my heart, and everything else to be with Master. That is why it is such a struggle for me.

My BFF said that she can just have sex because it feels good and gets her off. Can i look at it like that too?

10.12.15 ? Did i top today? And i'm still confused

Ok, i have no idea what happened today. i mean i know what happened, but was it the right decision? i'm so confused and upset tonight....still. i thought i felt better, but after i thought about it - and probably over thought it - maybe i don't.

Absolute first and foremost the only thing that i truly really want is to serve Master at all times. We both know in what aspect that would be and how, and that would truly make me the happiest i would ever need to be. i would be completely and utterly satisfied. i would finally be at peace.

BUT.....

And here is what i'm holding in. i am not sure if, as a sub, i am allowed or even should think like this. But this blog is to discuss what is on my mind and my experiences so here goes............................

i'm still torn.

i'm not sure how long from now Master will have me move. It could be years. Am i to be w/out any physical contact with another human being for that long? i also know that if i do have physical contact with another male, i will be attached to him. Just how my brain works. i also know that i am 100% fully committed to Master. Torn.

i told Master today that all i wanted was to be with Him and i didn't want anyone else touching me but Him, which is SO very true. i just want to be His. Was that topping? Did i force His decision?

But is this a sign.....today after Master telling me to stop dating i was relieved. He was in control and told me what He wanted.

So i see a few things that could potentially happen. If i do end up "dating" and meeting someone i like and have sex with him, i will be attached. That will automatically cause a strain on my relationship with him because my commitment will be with Master. But where will i stand physically? Will i be able to handle not being attached after having sex with someone? Also, if i build a relationship with someone, will i be wasting their time by moving when Master wants me to?

i'm so confused. How does one handle this? What does everyone else do? Maybe i just need more play time with Master? i tend to be a very physical person. Granted i am working out more on a daily basis now, but lately i feel i need more.

Please help.....................and i will apologize now for still talking about this dating crap. i wish my friends never tried to "help me". All they did was put me in this crappy confused position.

i keep rereading the post wondering if i should publish it.......................here goes.....

10.11.15 On my mind

i was able to chat with Master Saturday. Totally made up for the bad week. Made me feel a ton better. i've missed Him this week, terribly.

He told me He was proud of me on Saturday. He doesn't tell me that often. Really put a smile on my face. i live to make Him proud of me.

i have a couple of dates coming up that i need to talk to Master about. Rather, need approval for. i'm still on the fence about the whole thing, and actually feel like i'm regressing. For example, this  one man likes me, and i think he's a really decent guy, attractive, etc. but i just don't "feel it" with him. Am i supposed to "feel it" with him? What is the point of this dating thing? What does Master want me to get out of it? i'm really confused. Am i supposed to find a relationship? When/if i have sex i won't be able to sleep with anyone else so that would completely "narrow down" me seeing anyone else. In which case that would build a relationship, etc.

Another friend of mine....told him i was a sub. i'm glad i told him. Put our relationship in a better spot. The other friend i told, in a way, unfriended me because i met Master. He was upset about that and couldn't explain why. We've talked things out and i think things will be fine, but was upsetting. He thinks that Master will tell me to stop being friends with him, which He possibly could, but he thought that i wouldn't tell him first and that i would just drop him. i guess he felt he should remove himself from me so he didn't have to hear he was being removed from my life. Kinda made me realize i'm not the only one out there with irrational thinking.

i've made some mistakes today. i need to email Him.

10.9.15 Another bad day

Another day of Him being busy. Hard when you are always so used to talking to Him all day, and being able to reach out when you need Him, or have questions.

Still struggling with this sex with another man thing.

i know i'll have to drink to do it.  i also know that i will cry when its done. To me, it will feel like a betrayal, even though it is something Master wants me to do eventually. It's just because it's Him i've given myself to and mentally i am struggling getting by understanding why He wants this for me.

Its hard for me to even touch myself anymore. i just want Him to do it.

10.8.15 Bad week

Another busy day for Master, another blah day for me. Yes i know it's temporary but its still making me sad and moody.

my body is so sore from my new work out that i can barely walk or sit.

He's allowed me to join another "dating" site. See how that goes. So far....................blah.

A dom wanted to see me and i asked Master about it today. Answer was no. When i told the dom i felt he was upset because he said he guesses Master isn't interested. Not sure what that means???????

Oh well.......................

10.7.15 Feeling down

Master hasn't been able to be around much since He's been back home. Remembering how i dropped, this has been a little hard. i miss Him. Been sleeping with His shirt at night, but i'm scared the smell will go away. Then what do i do?

10.6.15 Saying no

"baldy", as my best friend and i have nicknamed, asked me to remove myself from this dating site that he and i are both on. i guess that's because he just wants to date me exclusively now. To be honest, baldy is very attractive, but i just know i don't want to see him really anymore, let alone be "exclusive" with him. Again, very attractive, but all he does is complain. Very annoying. i also don't get to say too much, which is probably best sometimes. i also think he's to serious for me. i just get that feeling. i like to be a goof sometimes. i can't  picture him being like that.

Here is the problem. i still have a hard time saying no. i can't do it. i have reverted back to my old self and feel horribly bad telling someone no. To avoid telling someone no, i try to think of excuses instead. i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

i am bothered, and i know Master will be, by this because if i find myself in a bad situation i do wonder if i will actually be able to say no or just go along with something because i don't want to make someone feel bad. And yes, even if it would hurt me. Shhhhh, i'm aware of the stupidity.

Master also wants me to be in control of any sex i will have with someone. He only wants me to loose myself to Him. That's all i want anyway. But how the heck am i going to do that if i can't even say a simple no??????????????

10.5.15 Still dropping? I'm not sure

All back to normal. Our normal. Master is back home and i am here and i did my morning routine and tasks as usual. I had a little bit of a hunch in my shoulders.....................

Since Master has allowed me to see some men, the subject of sex has come up. This is a bit of an emotional topic for me. Master has given me the do's and do nots. He hasn't given approval yet, but we are talking about it. He tells me that He knows that i have physical needs and He wants to take care of that. Master says that i have to remember that its also not about what i want, but what He wants. During this entire conversation i was emotional. i apologized to Master for being emotional. i am not sure if its because i still have a little of a drop going on, i cried again last night, or that its just an emotional topic because of how i feel for Him.

i also have to remember that i am only doing this because it is what He wants me to do. i told Him today that i would rather drop everything and just move and serve Him and not deal with all of this other stuff. That is the only thing that would really make me happy. i know i never want to loose Him. Maybe by Him allowing me to have sex with someone else, i think a piece of me will go?

i seem to be rambling thoughts today..................still dropping?

Question......ever think about someone that turns you on that it affects your body somehow?

10.4.15 I'm better

i was able to be on Skype with Master last night. i was so happy to see Him again.

He wanted to watch me cum, and i was scared when He told me that because i was scared of dropping again. But i didn't care, because i will do anything He wants, needs and says. In the end i was good and did not experience any signs of dropping.

i had also asked Master if i could see Him again on His way to the airport. Even if it was just for one single second i would take it. He said He was able so we met up very quickly. i was so grateful to be able to be held by Him again. i wanted to remember how it felt. He's so strong. i won't forget that.

Walking away i felt the tears coming but held them back. i feared letting them go would push me over the edge again. i couldn't allow that to happen again, plus Master did tell me that i was not to be up until 1 am crying again.

i know the best thing for me to do is to stay busy and share how i am feeling. my best friend told me its okay to have a good day, and shes right. i also have to realize how very freakin' lucky i am to have been able to meet Him, many of us don't get that opportunity. i must look at the positive, not the negative. Granted He's left, but the positive so outweighs the negative here.

i want to continue to say what an amazing man He is and how lucky that i was picked to be the one to submit to Him, but i don't know what else i can say. And although i've never told Him, i know He knows how i feel for Him. And it's not the same feeling as lets say a husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend or parent/child. Its something completely different and amazing. It's Master/sub.

The first weekend of October never will i forget....................................

10.3.15 Hard drop

i couldn't even remember what i had typed last night in the Blog. All i know is that i was wrapped up in a huge blanket on my couch, drinking red wine, and the drop started. From the second Master sent me His last message, which was around 630 pm, until 1 am i literally cried. Not like a little tear here and there. A full on ball out. Thank God for my best friend. i can't thank her or love her enough.

i fell asleep at some point. Maybe around 2 am?

This morning i looked in the mirror and i am not so sure i have ever seen my face look so swollen before. my eyes were so swollen they were almost shut.

i think that i have shed every tear that i had. He has taken them also. He owns my soul. There is nothing left of who i used to be.

How do i recover from this? i know the answer is just time. But i'd prefer a different answer.

Before we said goodbye, He also put His hands on me. i don't want to go into the details but i can't get it out of my head. i go from being extremely turned on to wanting more and missing Him.

Just trying to get through the day today. i am hoping to hear or see from Him later (via Skype). i'd love to see Him again tomorrow as He drives through to get back to the airport. Just wishful thinking. Maybe i am a masochist................

10.2.15 Day I will never forget

I don't know what to say. 

The most amazing Man held me today.

I have so many things that I wanted to say to Him. So many things I wanted to do. Time is so short. 

I am sad but I am so grateful. 

I don't want to say how I feel for Him. It's so much. 

I told Him tonight that I feel like the hypothetical glue that we've been held by has finally been sealed. 

I feel closer to Him now. 

I can't talk anymore. I need to be alone with my thoughts ..........

10.1.15 Tomorrow is the big day and a realization

The realization first.

i was in a mood yesterday. Irritable, cranky. i didn't realize until this morning why. the day before i let a person affect my mood. it was stupid and dumb for several reasons. The major reason it was stupid is because it wasn't Master that affected my mood, it was someone who i don't even know very well. In truth it's only Master that should ever do that. But how does one change that? Isn't it human nature to be affected by how others treat you and what they say to you? i know Master doesn't want others to do this to me. What could i do to change that? What task or rule could He put in order? i seriously need help with this. Just this, having other people affect me, is a huge stress that i bring on myself. Really, how does one not care what or how others do, feel, or say? You think i'd be old enough to figure that out by now!

Sooooooooo tomorrow is the day that i will meet Master. Almost a year later that He has been taking care of me. It has been an amazing, supportive, helpful and emotional year. i know i would not be where i am today without Him. i am forever grateful for this Man. He is and will continue to be the Master i give my life to. He is my strength. Granted we've had some "ebs" this year, but all the better the "flows".

Tomorrows meeting is going to be casual for us. Which, to be honest, is really perfect. i had some thoughts that perhaps i'd want some play involved, but those thoughts have been out weighed. i am beyond excited to see Him. Many might not ever get to meet in person the Master that gives all their care to them. i consider myself to be extremely lucky. i do know that it will be hard when He leaves, but as Master told me, at least we are able to have this opportunity. He's right, as always, many don't.

i did read in Fet yesterday about an article regarding emotional drop. i am wondering if i will go through something like that. It wouldn't surprise me. Is it similar to a physical drop? i might feel more alone and not connected when He leaves. i know He will be in contact with me and get me through it if i need.

All of that aside, i am still nervous, yet excited, for tomorrow. i'm sure i will have some stupid grin on my face and that the full lion king will be in full effect, as we are expecting a hurricane! Awesome!

i am not sure that i will blog tomorrow, but i certainly will over the weekend.